Breakups suck-there is no two ways about it. They suck the life force right from you and leave you crying into a vat of bon-bons. While there is no denying or getting around the fact that breakups are the bane of any man or woman’s existence it doesn’t have to be a fun sponge. There are things you can do in order to make a break up easier to deal with or to distract yourself sufficiently from the bullshit so that you are not thinking about the guy or doll that left you high and dry!
Here are my top 23 tips for getting through a breakup.
- Let the emotion flow but put away the phone and the computer. The last thing you want to do is text someone in the midst of a desperately emotional moment. It’s not about hiding how you feel but it is about sending them a novella through text or an email that rivals the bible in size outlining your every feeling and emotion to someone who basically made it clear they no longer what to be responsible for how you feel.
- But set a time frame. There has to be an end point. I often times tell my clients to set a date. It’s not written into stone so if you feel you need longer you can adjust but there is a difference between dealing with the emotion of a breakup and wallowing in the shit. You need to set a time frame by which you will no longer all the emotion to consume you. Between now and then kick, scream, cry until snot is running down your face and you resemble something that crawled out from under the stairs.
- Ice cream social for one but with a serving for three. This is not necessarily the time to sit back and deprive yourself. I’m not saying do this every night because then we will have an entirely different problem on our hands BUT it’s a good idea to spoil yourself a little bit. Sometimes a nice sweet treat will be just the distraction you need to stop crying and savor.
- Get mindless for a little bit. Play some video games, head to the arcade; read a book that you almost feel you should use a paper bag to cover its title. The point is that you find something that allows you to just take in something else for a while that has absolutely NOTHING to do with your breakup. Escaping the inescapable is sometimes very helpful.
- Set aside 100.00 to pamper yourself-get a massage, buy a new outfit, schedule an appointment with your colorist, whatever. Choose something that is going to make you feel good and spoiled. I am a firm believer that when we look good we cannot help but to feel better as well.
- Get your adrenaline on! It’s time to do something you have never done. Jump out of a plane (not without a parachute, of course, this isn’t thatkind of post, sheesh!), go bungee jumping, hell do indoor skydiving for that matter. The point is that you push yourself and do something you never thought you could. You will see just how brave and strong you are and pretty soon forgetting what his name is is no longer as daunting a task.
- Get a dart board and glue their face on the bull’s eye. There is going to come a time when pain moves into anger and this is a nice way, and relatively harmless to the actual person as well as yourself, to let it out. This is not about denying any of the feelings which arise and there will be many. This is about allowing yourself to feel and express all of them safely. And besides it will be pretty sweet to throw shit at their face!
- Rent a convertible and drive through a majestic part of the state. Feel the breeze through your hair, feel the sunon your skin and just drive. It doesn’t matter if it’s for an hour or a weekend so long as it’s you, the open road and your sweet ass rented car (bonus points if you actually OWN the convertible!).
- Attend a sporting event with a friend. Even if you are not that into sports-there is greasy food, decent beer and lots of boys to distract you. Besides even if you end up just chatting with your girlfriend the entire time you will have a great story to tell and photos to post.
- Go out to eat, to the movies or even out for coffee on your own. Affirm that being alone isn’t a bad thing. You may even find that you enjoy your own company!
- Staycation time! Rent a hotel room in the city or the country for an evening or a weekend, whichever works. Bring some awesome books, research the area for any local attractions that will be fun to peruse and have some fun!
- Ask friends or family to set you up-when you are ready. There are many who say you shouldn’t start dating soon after a break up. I happen to think otherwise. I think the rule should be that you shouldn’t begin looking for LOVE soon after a break up. But there is nothing wrong with going on a few dates and getting to know knew people and enjoying their company. So long as you are open to just casual fun and not looking to find a knight in shining armor that is going to suddenly make you forget the last one you are fine. Have fun!
- Create an interpretive dance based on how you feel and don’t stop until you are either crying or laughing. You will get your blood pumping, sweat it out and find that it’s actually a great release.
- Do things you didn’t get a chance to do when together. Did they hate mushrooms? Then make a meal with them as the featured item. Did they hate watching Vampire Diaries (which totally premiered this week, eeek!) leaving you trying to catch up online? Whatever it is take some time to bring those things BACK into the fray now that they are gone.
- Have a chick flick night and invite your friends over. Wear your pajamas and create a cocktail to fit the movie you are watching.
- Have a conversation with a stranger. Now let’s be clear; I’m not suggesting that in a dark alley you walk up and begin a conversation with someone who is quite possibly a serial killer. Instead choose a well-lit, preferably daytime and public place wherein you can strike up a conversation with another. Chances are one of the fears you may have regarding “getting out there again” is going to have a lot to do with getting to know someone new again. This is a great way to build that muscle again!
- Write a poem, learn to play an instrument or take a painting class. Get creative and begin to flex that muscle. It’s a good release and you may find that you have a latent talent you never knew! Who says breaks ups cannot be positive things?!!
- Take care of your body! A little ice cream social here and there is one thing but this isn’t the time to do anything to extreme. This means eat healthy, get to the gym and allow your body to be your project. Don’t starve yourself or work out to a fault but find a nice balance. This will help you feel good about the body you see in the mirror (and that another may be seeing naked here soon!) but most importantly it will release lovely happy hormones that will help you to deal with the ebb and flow of emotions so prevalent during a break up.
- Deactivate your socials for a short time. Not only is it good to take a break in general but this will help give you a bit of an obsession diet. There is no need to go stalking their Facebook pages or twitter feeds. Not only are you not likely to like what you see but you could end up setting your own progress way back.
- Give back-volunteer within your community and feel your compassion expand. Nothing takes you outside of your own personal pain than assisting those who perhaps have it far worse than you. You have a chance to make a difference and explore all the many facets of giving and receiving love and compassion.
- Brush up on you biology. Ever notice the way your body feels when you see a text from your ex? When you smell something which reminds you of them? When you hear a song or even see a photo of their face? There is a very good reason for that reaction and its occurring within your primal brain. I’m not going to go all science lesson on ya but it’s worth looking into the biology of love and what happens when we are in love. The hormones which are emitted from our primal brain (the same which seep into our bodies when we are addicted to drugs, alcohol, sex etc.) when we are emotionally attached to someone become very much like a fix we need constant replenishing of and when we are with someone for a while we become quite used to their effects. When we end a relationship with someone and our brains are no longer emitting these hormones we go through withdraw. It’s why we will crave them; feel unable to live without them.Helen Fisher is the queen bee when exploring the biology, psychology and anthropology of love, sex and attraction. I URGE you to check her out!
- Get your affirmation on! Believe it or not where the mind goes energy flows and if you are constantly sitting back weeping, seeing yourself as the victim and feeling as though you will never find love again you are giving POWER to those thoughts. It can be hard to see through the fog but by employing a few carefully crafted affirmations you can begin to at least balance the dark with some light. How about writing a few statements on a post card and reading them silently or aloud to yourself a few times a day. Things like “I’m fucking awesome and worthy of unlimited love and affection!” or “I attract healthy, fun and stable love into my life.” They are such simple statements but quite effective for helping your brain to train itself to see another version of reality than just pain and sadness.
- Get help! Let’s be honest if I handed you a golf club and you never played chances are you are not going to go out onto the course and suddenly shoot a hole in one time and time again. We sometimes need training and professionals to guide us through that training. If you are struggling and find that even the small things seem monumental than do not wait until you have lost years (and yes, it can be that long, trust me!) of your life never healing or fully letting go. Whether counseling or coaching there are many ways to have a structured means of lessening your pain and moving forward with purpose.
Moving on from a break up is never fluid and totally without obstacle. It takes time, discipline and resolve. The more that you affirm your own worth and begin to enjoy your life you realize that you still have quite a bit to appreciate and be grateful for even without that relationship. Though you may not have chosen this path for yourself trust that it’s an opportunity given to you for a purpose. Your job is to explore that purpose willingly and be open to what it has to tell you. The more you do the less you will focus on what happened and begin even to see that things are better now than they ever were.