Ive been cleaning my house like a mad woman (and for the record, I DEPLORE cleaning!); organizing junk drawers; vacuuming shoe closets and even tackling the rather arduous task of whittling down my walk-in closet. While not always the most enjoyable task (especially for those of you like me who would much rather wash their hair than clean) there is a certain sense of accomplishment and liberation once done. It got me thinking about ways in which we could Spring clean our love lives and get rid of the old to make room for the new.
Here are some of my ideas on how you can spring clean your relationships.
1). Get Talking! Lets face it there are times when you just prefer to keep the peace and so you stay mum on certain topics. Whether you are just dating or you have been together a coons age we all turn our cheek once in awhile. Sometimes we can do this to the detriment of the relationship; allowing resentments to stack upon one another until pretty soon your conversations consists of grunts and nods or in the case of those who are still in the "dating" phase you find things fall completely flat. This is the time to clear out the dust of past rancor and lay it out. This doesn't mean you have to attack your lover; it doesn't even mean that you need to make it akin to an epi of Days Of Our Lives. Rather this is the time to be honest with yourself about the things that bother you and honest with the person that you are with. Clear the air and get real, you'll be glad that you did!
2). Not currently in a relationship? I challenge you to take some time to evaluate the story you tell about your relationship with love. Its time for a new script, people! How can you expect to talk about how awful you are with relationships, how you attract "bad apples" or cant seem to find "the right" one and some how live a different reality? Energy flows for attention goes so keep that in mind when it comes to the narrative you create regarding your relationship with love. Make it positive, make it fresh, make it CLEAR of past wounds, issues and mishaps!
3). Clear out the cobwebs around the boudoir. I hate to say it ladies but its time to make room for new experiences in the sack! What better way to bring new life to your relationship than by going outside of the sexual box (no pun intended...OK well maybe slightly)! This is especially helpful for those who have been in a relationship for some time. Get back to exploring your lover! Make it an adventure of intimacy and lust and get back to basics! Remember how great sex was when you first met? Its not as though those two people getting hot and heavy with their multiple orgasms are gone, replaced with those who are dead from the hips down! You were hungry for one another, you played games and you made it fun rather than something you scheduled in the date book between the kids school play and dinner with the in-laws!
Single? Then the time its naught if not nigh for a little self love! Not only does it feel amazing (with a surefire orgasm at the end) but nothing clues you in more to what makes you feel good than exploring the territory yourself. The more you know about what makes you tick the more that you can direct the person you will share your bed with.
4). Stop expecting. How many times did arguments arise because someone didn't respond or behave as you EXPECTED they would/should? What if started to allow others to be themselves, and then decided whether or not what they were was up to your standards? What if instead of getting upset when they behaved differently than you expected you began to celebrate the differences between you two. Lets fact it not everyone is the same. We are not Girl Scout cookies packed into a neat little box, all tasting and presented the same. Its time to begin to allow people to have some personal freedom to be and act as they wish. If it presents a greater problem then you cross that bridge but if you are just pissy because Johnny didn't text you back with sweet symphonies of love it may be time to cut the dude a little slack.
5). Back to the boudoir...are your sheets more yellow than the white they were when you purchased them? Do you find that your feet h on the blanket every time you run them across it? Is there more clothes on your floor than your closet? If you build it they will come, remember that? You want your bedroom to be reflective of your passionate side. You want it to mirror the type of love you want to see taking place within its walls. Whether you are inviting someone in for the first time or you fall asleep each night next to one another its time to spruce up the bedroom! Use saturated colors that are evocative of passion and lust. Your bed linens are NOT the place to cut corners! You want a nice high thread count for the winter; it keeps heat in doubling as both practical and luxurious and a low thread count (of a quality material please, no jersey cotton!!!) in the summer to keep things breathable and cool. Choose a variety of lighting angles and dimers allow you to adjust the mood lighting! Candles should be plentiful plus safely placed to ensure that when you are getting hot and heavy you do not inadvertently set the wrong type of fir.
6). Check the shit at the door. You know what I am talking about, folks, don't pretend you don't! We all have those relationships in our lives that even if they have officially ended they are the ghosts in our hearts. Its time to stand up for what you feel that you deserve and understand that those relationships that don't pass muster should not take up precious real estate in your life! Whether they float in and out of your life at a moments notice or refuse to meet your need for commitment its time for you to realize that the state of your love life, be it good or bad is ultimately a reflection of what you tolerate. Teach others how to treat you by treating yourself with respect and self worth.
7). Take a load off! Are you still bent that your first love cheated on you? Still dragging around the baggage left over from when your beloved forgot to call you or left his socks on the floor? Whether large or small resentments can stack up fast and prohibitively high! It may be that you need to talk it out (see tip numero uno!) or it may be that you need to evaluate why you hold on to perceived wrong doings like a sugar addict with the last brownie. Would you not feel better being free from the past? To live life not predicated on what came before this moment but with anticipation of what this moment has to teach you? Its time to relax, let it go and let it be. Set it and forget it!
8). Bring in some FUN! Remember how great it felt when you first met someone? Before you realized that they snored profusely, keeping you up all night or that they had a penchant for picking their nose? Recall the carefree freedom of just basting in the after glow before you started to bombard your mind with questions of "where is this going?" "is he going to marry me, like ever!?" or the like? Its time to let go of the destination, to stop making everything go according to plan or worry about what tomorrow holds. Its time to bring in as much fun and laughter as you possibly can. Whether you are in a relationship or still looking its time to laugh until your belly hurts and to let your playful side see the light of day from time to time!
A good relationship/love life is much like your home; you cant neglect it every day until the threat of company. You have to make sure that you are maintaining things in the love department, keeping things fresh and making sure you do a few touch-ups from time to time. I suggest picking from the above and trying out a few, the more the merrier and as time progresses, rinse and repeat!