I can recall the first time at the age of 19 that I received a psychic reading (yes, readers have readers too!) after a boyfriend at the time had broken up with me. I was torn, I was desperate and despite the many cards thrown, meditations done or even runic grids there didn’t seem to be much to gleam from my end of things as to whether I would ever see my high school sweetheart again.
Let’s just say the experience was LESS than empowering. I was told that I had an ancient curse on me from a relative whose name began with an M who cursed the women of my family in love. Instantly my heart began to nearly jack-knife right out of my chest and I was filled with instant fear. It never dawned on me in that moment that most all of the women in my family have been exceptionally successful in love—it was a knee-jerk reaction to feel immediate fear and worry.
Thankfully I was also still rational and thinking (semi) clearly so I avoided shelling out untold amounts of money lifting this and I’m sure many other yet to be uncovered curses this ‘reader’ would charge me for. The sad fact is, however, I am hardly alone. If even a reader, someone who knows and has heard it all can have a reaction like that then is it really any wonder why so many are concerned and fearful over trusting readers?
I wanted to compile a few tips that will aid those who are either looking for a new reader for a fresh perspective or those just starting out. These suggestions and information should be used as a recipe-not a prescription for how to maneuver finding a new reader. I would love to hear what other clients and readers suggest to add to this list. The more information we empower others with the more we can ensure that there are fewer and fewer people being duped out of their emotional sanity and money!
1. Ensure your view of readings is realistic.
Sadly many who come to me like to imagine that with a few deep breaths and several clicks of my tongue I am suddenly given a telescope into the past, present and future of their lives. This is simply not the case. Visions come, yes. Intuition is a mighty powerful thing and not something to trifle with; HOWEVER, it is not like a switch that is flipped. I make it very clear in my bio that I will not pretend I can answer your every question as though life were merely a series of unavoidable and predestined events. I help clients to understand that information is given based on the current path, all of which is subject to freewill and thus manipulation and deviation. Very little is predetermined in this life and an understanding of this will help with creating a realistic idea of just what can be gotten from a reading.
2. Readings should be participatory.
If you come in and ask “What does Dan feel for me?” my eyes will cross at the sheer magnitude of what you have just asked me to tap into. I’m sure that Dan has felt many things through the course of the connection, some of which predicated upon experiences shared with you (fights, break ups, break-throughs etc.) and some of which are based on past experiences which have shaded his view and behavior within a relationship. Do you see how your answer not only will take hours to be given but likely will cover everything BUT the specific thing you have in mind but hide behind the general question of feelings?
The more you put into a reading the more that you will get out of it. Do you go in, sit down and divulge every single experience that you have had and your thoughts and feelings on why they have occurred and how you think you should fix it? No, because not only do you fail to see the validity of your reader you also waste your money because clearly you have all the answers already. You should, however, understand that those who are genuine readers provide more than just prediction. They want you to understand WHY something is happening and WHAT you can do about it. They want to build a relationship with you wherein you can get the insight you need into not just the royal ‘them’ but also in you. A reading is very much more in line with an intuitive counseling session which is why I call my services Third-eye Counseling. If you are grappling with something and need insight, say you need to know Dan’s feelings because he cannot seem to give a commitment after 5 years, then the real issue you want to discuss with your reader is the latter, not just how he feels. You want to get to the heart of the matter, especially if time is an issue. If you cannot touch into your internal detector which looking into a reader it might be a sign that you should wait before contacting. Research them, Google them and perhaps even send them email. This is not an invitation to send a message trying to pry information out of a potential reader. Just as you are paid for your job us readers are paid for ours. You can, however, ask how they work, how they would describe their services, how long they have been doing it, their methods and motto’s for their sessions etc. because all of this allows you to both gauge their fluency on the topic but also make sure that they are a good fit for what you are looking for. And readers, like shoes, are not one size fits all. So SPEAK UP! This is YOUR session so make sure you get out of it what you need. You should not just say your name, your concern and sit silently while someone jaw-jabs your ear apart!
3. Have an open mind.
This is SOOO incredibly important so please if you are beginning to lose interest I really suggest pausing, grabbing a cup of really yummy coffee and coming back so you are alert and ready. Are you ready? If you come into a reading only wanting to know what is wrong with THEM and never ask for nor have a willingness to hear about what is wrong with YOU then you are missing the boat entirely. First off no relationship struggles on account of a single person. Even in dealing with mistreatment such as back and forth patterns, cheating, lack of commitment or other general disrespect there is a choice on both ends and if you are still putting up with less than hoping for more than you have made a decision as well. A good reading will be a combination of prediction and coaching, period. This is how you learn both what is ahead, what you can do to shift the situation and what impact your own actions, words, behaviors and thoughts are having on the situation as a whole. If you are not willing to hear about yourself then you will never get anywhere with them or with anyone else for that matter because you will likely repeat the vicious cycle over and over and over again.
Additionally please do not come into a session thinking you have absolute knowledge on how they think, feel and why they do something. If in a session with me I will gladly cut our session short so as not to waste your money or my time if you already feel you are convinced of the situation. It begs the question why are you coming in to pay me, then? Looking for confirmation or understanding one thing. Arguing because a reader dares to tell you that something may not be as you originally thought or had hoped is another. You are coming in to pay someone who has gifts you perhaps have not fully developed (everyone is psychic, it’s a muscle that unused will atrophy) full yet or cannot use on your own situation so give that person the chance to do their job. If you have kids you always remind them to not argue with a teacher or an adult who is trying to help them understand or teach them something (barred any abusive circumstances here this is typically the case) yet people become quite combative and lose that lesson entirely when they get into other real world situations. Practice what you preach (or will when you do have children).
4. Do not focus on the when’s of life.
Nothing can damage a situation worse than becoming hung up on “when” something is going to happen. Not only does this shade the freewill choices you make and thus messes with any predictive path given but it overshadows the journey which is supposed to be enjoyable. There must be organic evolution to situations and if you are trying to know every detail before it happens you are not allowing or that. By becoming too destination focused and not paying attention to the present your broadcast shifts dramatically and instead of drawing people closer you push them away. Not anyone’s idea of a cup of tea, I assure you. I always let clients know that I provide time frames when they come to me but I do not answer questions predicated solely on time frame. If you want to know if you will see your beloved by 7pm that evening as suggested by him earlier than my suggestion will be to wait until about 6:45-7:30 to see what happens. Not only is life not entirely comprised of fated events the fact is getting that nitty gritty indicates more obsession than it does someone looking for genuine guidance and insight. Surrender and openness are just as vital as other aspects of relationships that are often talked about. Not all things are meant to be seen, please keep this in mind. Whether it’s because you are learning a karmic lesson, they are or there is just a general need for freewill to figure prominently in a situation some things are not answered when asked. This doesn’t mean that the reader is full of crap, a fraud or charlatan but it does mean that something perhaps shifted. If you look at a great many ratings you will see clients who rate a month or so later to report that along with their one star rating this reader time frame didn’t come to pass. Its automatically the readers fault and there is never an understanding that things change, PERIOD. Sometimes one or both players in the situation change the path and things are off course entirely and sometimes life merely intervenes and says “let’s do this instead”. A little understanding is always advisable. I get it, when you are stuck in the throes of emotional turmoil and your heart is breaking you want desperately to be told a concrete date for the ending of this heartache but my motto is to be more focused on the bigger tickets such as “if” a person should come back or “why” the relationship/job has ended. This is where you will really gain an understanding and ultimately the greatest form of empowerment.