EMOTIONAL NUMBING

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After Christmas Justin and I looked at one another and mutually agreed that we wanted to do something different this New Years Eve. Not that we are much for partying these days but we would toss back a couple of cocktails and eat delicious and not so healthy food and wake up Jan 1 with a slight fog to us and lots of bloat from too much food and probably a few too many cocktails. 

We just didn't want to spend the first day of the new year with that same vibe. But nor did we really want to do the whole restrictive "cleanse" on the new year. What we opted for was lots of fruit and veggie juices, whole, seasonal foods and lots of love from our kids. 

But back to the drinking thing-I decided upon waking up Jan 1 that I was just done. Done drinking and feeling like shit which is pretty much what would happen whether I had 2 glasses of wine or 5. I just wasn't built for it anymore. 

But on top of that I was tired of the mental fog. Tired of feeling like I was walking around with distortion goggles. As we get older our brains do not need any additional help in the process of deterioration. What we need more of are those things which strengthen our vitality and focus, not detract from it. 

Drinking used to be a way of winding down. A means of dealing with a stressful day. A glass of wine while we cooked dinner. One while we ate dinner. We didn't necessarily drink often but often enough that it felt like it was a crutch that enabled our not dealing with stresses of our day directly. 

And truthfully this started to bug me. Because it didn't feel like I was walking my talk. I felt like i was preaching how we need to dig deep, face shit, explore what we are feeling. And how often did I try to dull what I was feeling with a cocktail? 

So I just decided to try something different. More meditation. More journaling. More reading and exploring through self inquiry. I have no real plan. I figure that I will ride this as far as I feel its needed. I still enjoy a glass of wine. Justin and I enjoy a sweaty hike and a microbrew after and maybe I will enjoy those things again. 

Or maybe I wont. 

But regardless of what the future holds with regards to drinking I can say I feel good about what I am doing right now. It feels resonant and I feel the impact on my sense of emotional and physical well-being has already proved the decision the right decision. 

I am not sharing this to encourage you to do the same. What you do is what you do. I am not your maker nor do I live your life. I am not a huge fan of the recent influx of "sober ego" that comes with teetotaling these days and I think it feels rooted too heavily in shame than it does freedom. And that is not what I want this post to be about. 

What I hope that this post relates is that sometimes we become rooted in habits that we feel are ok that may be more of a disservice to our mind, body and spirit than perhaps we realize. Whether its eating too much (or consuming unhealthy food), drinking too much, shopping too much, hell even working out too much, anytime we do something to a fault or for the wrong reasons we need to create spaciousness to assess these habits. And to have the courage to try something different. Even if its to bring some perspective to the way we move through our life and the interaction we have within it. 

Best wishes, m'loves.